my latest project

my balls

i love to crochet, i only know one stitch but i can do so many things with that one stitch. i learned to crochet from my mother, she used to make me this hats with spangles on them, to tell you the truth, i really was not to fond of wearing them.....they were really geeky and so unkool.

i love to take what ever is around me and make something new out of it.....kind of like a found artists, i like using things that are not so common in my art.....i like to reuse things, and it has nothing to do with being green......i just love to collect found objects and taking something and making something else.  these balls of yarn are made from old clothing , that i ripped, torn, tied together and wanting to be made into mostly scaves, but i think i am going to try to make some belts.

i would love some feedback on what you all think of these......i have fun making them.....and i love the feel of the fabrics in my hand. this one was made from a silk skirt that no longer fit.

the following one is made from a real piece of fabric......that i ripped and it was such a big piece i can make more .....out of the 3 that i made the other night i have to say that this one is my fave.....what i like about working with the different types of fabrics is they all have a mind of their own......i am enjoying making these and i would love to put them on etsy.....which i am going to take the leap.....sometimes my leaps are small and tiny and sometimes i take bigger jumps.

this one was made from 2 blouses....i love when they fray and as i crocheing them they kind of take on a life of there own.. if you haven't noticed by now, i had neat art....i really like it to be rough and raw and somewhat natural.....i like whatever materials i am working with to take on a life of there own.....

sometimes the sad thing is that after making and creating art all my life i am finally ready to go public with it and share it and sell it.....god why did i want so long, but i am not going to dwell in how long, i am just going to keep going forward and still make art and show and sell it.....

please i am very interested in feedback, can you tell me what you think of these, and be honest.....i am a big girl, i have big panties and a teflon suit......
keep creating.

what's new on sugarman's farm

looking through vintage rock t's

ok so i downsized...a good more, as i make just as much, but am not paying it all out in rent....and i have fun for a least 2 days of the week...cuz this is what passes as fun here....i just wish real estate was as cheap in the city....cuz i would love to open up a store down there...i think it would do great....now that i am learning about the business of second hand goods and how to buy new stuff online for not that much and be able to make a profit....

i know the clothing that i sell and find would do better in the city ...if i must say so myself i know from clothes.....i have loved clothing since i was a little baby ...i remember having a coat made by roth in purple with a mink collar...i think i was 5 or under....anyway i love clothes and when i shop for clothes and stuff i buy things that i like....and i want and what i would wear....and when i find good designer or just good clothing ...i buy it and like to pass it on to others at a good reasonable price.....and i need to shop in the city more.....but you know the story..live in pas, no car ...yadda....yadda...yadda......

so i think that my place is to stay here till my lease is up in my 2012......and try to find  cheap place to live nearer to the city.....i would even live in the building that i can open my shop up in.....that would be just to kool

have all different stuff now

stuff i am working on

portable studio

anyway as you all know this year i get the award for queen of moving.....and i know eventually i will be moving closer to the city....but for know i am here, and i have to make the next move fast and light......clothes, books, most art supplies.....anyway since i have a kool booth at sugarman's i can sell it all there.....but i need to be able to make money in the city, and that is like an oxymoron.....anyway the room that hold my art supplies is too hot to work in.....and small....i need room to think....so i have to make something as my innner artist is going crazy....so i take out some old unfinished work....i call them mini collages......made on the backs of various size cards....pokem, strawberry shortcake, math flash cards. etc......so i am working on the living room floor......

i like working with images of women....i guess they are all me saying what i say anyway.....and what i think....

this is a pile i am working on......i love working small cuz you can work on it anywhere....and i like the flexibility.....ok so i got to go and do something productive now....like more stuff.......

omg, my blog came back

god or state.....

so today my blog finally reappeared....i wonder where in cyberspace was it lost....i am just chillin right now as the 4th of july....and have you noticed that i has rained every 4th of july since i can remember....it is our forefathers.....and i don't know if their crying sweat or tears....
the 4th should always be a day of personal independence ////this weekend is 15 years i have been divorced....am i cured now....it was double the time i was married.....i hated being married....but i hate alone even more....but i like my alone....cuz that is the way this artist rolls....i still have 3 m3n in my life and i am not having sex with any of them.....one cuz he just too far at the moment.....one cuz it is just not the right time to go there, and the other is gay....but at least i am not alone....and i have great friends.....i love it up here....cuz it is peaceful and i can afford it.....but i miss my city, and my city friends.....and the beach.....i miss the beach, and the rock n roll, the people, the places, the things.....we all got to find me a cheap place to live.....esp, if redspot opens up again...culture is culture....i am going to to move some boxes and move the book shelve , place boxes.....more books unto shelf.....and then create some art....i am finishing up some old mini collages to sell on first friday.....next month......i love to create around the image of women.....from all places and times and make them snarky and smart ass......no.....

hissy fit

blogger has been acting up, so i have not blogged in awhile....and i have some good news....i am going to be one of the featured artists at first friday in scanton pa this month.  i have not shown my work in long, long time, and i hope this is a new old door opening for me again....the thing i find the most ironic about this is i am a native new york, brooklyn born girl, and had to come to some small town to get my work shown again.  and another funny thing is they didn't want my new art, the altered, the books, the cards.....they wanted the old art quilts that i made over 20 years ago.....i have to say it is funny cuz 20 years ago the world at large didn't get art quilts....i remember the "little old lady church ladies" asking how i would ever wash them............duh......maybe in another 20 years they'll want the work i am working on now....i want to enter more of my work in publications, in shows, but i can't get to the business part of it.....i don't do "real business" well.....and the truth is i make art for me and no one else.....but i would just like people to see it....i don't care if they buy it or not, in any form......i sometimes wish i had an assistant/manager to push me to do what i know i can do....but somehow during the day can find a 100 reasons why i can't.....i am hoping that this friday will give me the push or maybe the word i am looking for is faith, courage, to carry on with my art......i think that is one of the reason's i choose small town, so i wouldn't get distracted....someone say an art prayer for me.....to make me not a better artist.....but my own best publicist.....

what i am doing and what i am up to....

first working very hard to make raw edge studio a success at sugarman's.  it is coming along, but not so much the art....but it will.  i decided not to take the bigger space....money.....but i will have a studio in my new place in it's own room, and i don't know why but i feel much more comfortable with it in my house....i still would love to teach children art....and while i only work on the weekends now.....i have 5 other days to set up classes.....and i have to remember to eat the elephant one bite at a time, instead of trying to jam it all down at once.....

and once again packing boxes, and my clothes and my art supplies...i have mentioned that i hate fucking packing and boxes......but i know i will be in pa for at least the next four years, as my daughter is going to college in pa......

i am working on a series of f.u.c.k. cards for those of you who don't know f.u.c.k. stands for friends you can keep.....i used to think that i had a lot of fuck's.....but the reality is there are very few.....hence the limited edition of them.....well post photo's....after writing this i am going to go and find the letters from magazines.....i just covered the cards with pages from 1984.......

and i have to thank a special guy in my life, for making love men again......you made me believe that there really still some real men out there......men like my father and brothers , men of honor and their word.......i know a few other real men, all taken or family......but i have met so many shit heads in my life, that i gave up....but you are making me believe that i can find one good man.......i am sorry that i hated men for so long.....but as they say god puts in your path what you need.....

and i am so forward to having a home again.....even through you live in a house, it doesn't mean your home....

anyway like i always say it ain't no sin to be glad your alive...

when one door opens

got to love them doors.......keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel.....let it roll baby, roll......


On this day, God wants you to know

... that when you come to a wall, you can either climb it, or you can simply walk around until you find a door. Don't make life so hard, - look for the doors!..
 
ok it has been a long strange week, and it wasn't even my strangeness this time....on thing really flipped me through a loop in a way i didn't except it too.....and i guess that is a grown up thing.....cuz i put someone's else's feelings for someone else, in front of my own.....and truly felt sadness for them...when a bitch of a woman would have been happy......but i have always believed that even through people come into my life and i like them more than i should, or like them in a different way than i do.....i have always let people live their live;s without any interference from me......i remember the butterfly story from long ago......i let my children be free, and know as older teens.....their getting it ....thank god i didn't have to wait until they were in their 30's......but then again i don't know what lessons other people are supposed to learn....i am still trying to figure out what all the lessons that i have learned and how to apply them now.....but as my ex husband always told me take the high road......and i always like to do things with grace and honor.....but sometimes it doesn't always work.....but that is my aim......but honor is important on my list and people that people honor themselves and don't let people play real life games with them.....and sometimes you have to know when to close the door, so another can open........but what if a closed door, became open....should i take that door , or pick one of the other too........i don't have the strength to make another wrong decision of the heart....cuz i really just started liking men again.....for a long time i could have cared less.....and then i might a really kool guy.....and he opened my life again, in so many ways that his youth would never know how much.........and that is a day that was open for 3.5 years and it has closed......for no reason.....except the time has come....and that relationship was unacceptable to me.....now there is someone i have had my eye in since the day i meet them and when i met him my whole body just said you just met your next husband, and for those of you that know me.....you know i have never looked for husband......i enjoy my time....it's the fucking artist thing......but it is not the time, to everything.......so i have to find another door for awhile.......and it doesn't have to be a relationship door......how about it's time for a fucking artist door, gallery studio door......oh and i had to crunch numbers and i can't take bigger space but that doesn't stop me....i will always be an artist and i have to redo my spot again......but anyway....i just had to write this down.....and i don't want it to be a hard knock life anymore, so i am looking for the doors...........i do take a lot of pictures of doors and windows...

easter 2011

thinking of all the easter's past that i spent as a kid and with my kids......my mother always made sure that i had the best easter clothes, even though we never went to church......from hat to gloves......i loved to shop with my mother......she let me pick out my own stuff.......my mother's father passed on easter sunday, he lived with us, but i did not know him well. and boy was i spoiled.....cuz i got so much candy.....

now my girls i made there dresses, well cuz i liked to so.....i used to get cotton balls and powder and leave bunny trails to their baskets......hid eggs for them to find.....and we sometimes went to church.....not big on church.

and now we are all so far away from each other, but you all remain in my heart.....i love and miss you all......

it takes a leap of faith

ok, i haven't blogged , oh i mean rant for awhile...that's cuz life is going good these days, which equates to i wake up most days being happy....i have had a lot going on these past few months and some major and minor changes have taken place, some good, some not so good, but it is what it is and that is the thing called life.....i was and still am suffering from empty nest syndrome.....i moved to a completely different state, and i asked myself for a time what i am doing here,and the answer is coming....first when you ask god to send you to the next place you are supposed to be, you might what to give a few more details.....but i am here and i know why.....cuz you know that crazy shop, store, art studio, hang out place i always wanted.....and was laughed and ridiculed about.....well it is happening and about to expand......in may i am moving into a space that is 100 by 20......and i am moving my studio out of my house and into there, so i have to get up and out everyday like i have a real job......fabrika's fun finds will still be there with more unusual items and clothing and vintage stuff........i am lining up workshops to teach, i have a few other people on board.....and i have such big ideas for such a little girl.......i will be open 7 days a week.....shorter hours on mon.......but pretty much a 10 to 12 hour day the rest of the week......besides workshops, i would like to make it a meeting and gathering place...lord knows we need one.....i want to have a game night, an open mike night, journaling night, have a psychic come in......get some of my musician friends to come and play.....in the day it is a shop, but at night it comes alive.......so i have been working on growing that and it is coming along.....

red....please read and pass on

Will You give this to my Daddy?




As a Company, Southwest Airlines is going to support 'Red Fridays.'



Last week I was in Atlanta , Georgia

attending a conference. While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard

several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned

around and witnessed One of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen.



Moving thru the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camos. As they

began heading to their gate, everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to

their feet with their hands waving and cheering.



When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and cheered for,

it hit me. I'm not alone. I'm not the only red-blooded American who still loves this

country and supports our troops and their families.



Of course I

immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are

putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work and

home without fear of reprisal.





Just when I thought I could not be more

proud of my country or of our Service men and women, a young girl, not more than

6 or 7 years old ran up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said 'hi...'



The little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her...



The young soldier, who didn't look any older than maybe

22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy. Then

suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest

hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.



The mother of the

little girl, who said her daughter's name was Courtney, told the young soldier

that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom

was explaining how much her daughter Courtney missed her father, the young

soldier began to tear up.



When this temporarily single mom was done

explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief

second... Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military-looking

walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it..



After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back

over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, 'I spoke to your daddy and he

told me to give this to you.' He then hugged this little girl that he had just

met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying 'your daddy told me

to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon.'



The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the

young soldier stood to his feet, he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was standing

no more than 6 feet away from this entire event.



As the soldiers began

to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause. As I stood

there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my

own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness turned around and blew a

kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.



We need to remember

everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their

sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.



RED FRIDAYS ----- Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing red every

Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the

'silent majority'. We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God,

country and home in record breaking numbers.



Our idea of showing

solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this

Friday - and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home,

sending a deafening message that.. Every red-blooded American who supports our

men and women afar will wear something red.



By word of mouth, press, TV

-- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a

homecoming football game in the bleachers.



If every one of us who loves

this country will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and

family. It will not be long before the USA is covered in RED.



The first thing a soldier says when asked 'What can we

do to make things better for you?' is.....We need your support and your prayers.



Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example.



IF YOU AGREE -- THEN SEND THIS ON.



IF YOU COULD CARE LESS, THEN

HIT THE DELETE BUTTON --- IT IS YOUR CHOICE.

i just expanded my booth at sugarman's market. i really do wish that people had the same appreciation for finer clothing as i do. i find wonderful designer clothes at the lowest prices that you can find and can't get people to buy a $500 skirt for $40. and lord i don't mean to be mean, but some people can really use a fashion makeover , I refuse to believe that slob is a fashion statement, and when did miss manners say it was alright to wear pajamas out in public,(I wouldn’t want to see me in them at home even if I was alone). I would wear nothing instead. I hate to be the fashion police, but people are looking at the way you go out in public. And you know what they say about first impressions…..and the truth is it is not about fashion, one is about style which not everyone is gifted with, and yes it is a gift. And the other is in how you think about yourself, you clothing should reflect you in someway, who are you…..what would you say I am that I always wear black and silver, with a few select colors thrown in……oh, yeah and a curio cabinet filled with rock t shirts……



but throw any junk at them and they eat it up like manna from heaven….now I don’t know what my clothes say about me cept’ I love clothing, that is why I choose to sale it, and I am upcycling clothing now too….but all of that will be coming in june….there are other plans in the works….where I am selling now no one would understand the beauty of a handmade scarf that I sell for $45, or that like it but they just want it for a dollar…..i am not thinking so…..anyway just checking in to let you all know I am alive and well, living in the mountains and doing what I like and getting places that I never thought could happen. IF FEELS GOOD TO MAKE MY OWN CHOICES WITHOUT HAVING TO HEAR WHATEVER MY FAMILY THINKS…life is good…

DA SNOW

 CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY EVERY TIME I PLAN ON GETTING my stuff from joisy there has to be  a major snowstorm in the 2 states that I need to be in…..i am going to take these as it is just that more much fun to move in the snow…..cuz I can’t stand tears for no reason…I live in the northeast and snow is very likely this time of year, and I love snow, really I do, I am even going to make time to build a snowman…..but I need my studio and my bed and I am getting it this week….snow or no snow and if I have to move it all by myself…..i swear by the grace of god I will never go hungry again…..said scarlett…..

friday...

Ok, so it is Friday and I am supposed to be jumping with joy for no other reason cept’ it’s the end of the work week,,,,, but what if your work never ends, then what?


Ok I am beginning to have this recurring theme in my life where my car is always being fixed, cuz once again I am fucking carless, is the big U TRYING to tell me something….i need a little truck or a van anyway….could be coming soon old u….

Can’t even call the place cuz there not open yet, so when it warms up I will take a walk down the mountain (I will wear sneaks) and see what the story is , cuz there is always a story….isn’t there…..and I can exercise at the same time…..and walk through town and take more photo’s as I am limited in what art I can make now ….

Tuesday the truck will be at my house and I need what ever help I can get or it is going to be a real long day for me…..



And if I can find it today in town I am going to try the first at dying black…..and I need my car…..and, and, and, and……

cherry bomb red

IT’S CURTAINS FOR ME…..I HANG CURTAINS THIS WEEKEND THANK GOD THE Ceilings are short, or I could have got some nasty vertigo….and not funny if you ever had the experience ….and if I didn’t mention it before “jack” built it …..really…..thank god my father was the original MacGyver….it is amazing what I can do with a nail and a hammer, and I wish I had my real tools….i will get them this trip down….i am tired of making this trip…..but all I am going to say was that I was supposed to be unpacking today and I am just saying U-HAUL SUCKS…..




Don’t reserve a truck online….you got to get up and actually walk into the place and tell them EXCATLY what you want. And hope that you don’t get some over selfesteemed little twerp to help you…..god please help this country….but I digress….



So after wed I will have a definite date to move and will probably be during the week….i need someone to either drive the truck or my car back, cuz I don’t think that many of my true f.u.c.k’s would love to see me drive a truck with a hitch to the back of it for three hours….

I need to get my art supplies and the stuff that I have packed away at an undisclosed location…..have lots to sell in there and so much of my good stuff…I know you shouldn’t make stuff make you feel good, but I have stuff since I was 5…..these kids today through away everything, they live in a disposable society….first I have things cuz I like unique things I LIKE THINGS….OMG……and I just love the way stuff was made when mass production just started, and people actually took pride in what they did…and everything was made like it was a piece of art…..anyway…the curtains are calling…..

is it wrong.................

Is it wrong to have great sex with someone …..not that I have  intention of being married….i am liking my life just find…..i am just suffering from the lack of live rock and roll and my f.u.c.k’s…..but I will party with you soon enough….now getting back too great sex….at this point in my life I have no time for that 3 minute thing….they make drugs for it now…..and I like to get my fuck on…..and if you find someone that makes your eyes roll to the back of your head, is there something wrong I with enjoying it and having a good time….even if your not in love………….with them…..and can I be a serial monogamist…..i was a good girl for so long and now I want to be naughty and nice…..decisions, decisions………..anyway what ever happened to if it feels good do it………….i’m bringing it back

it's friday

nature made a christo

so here i am in pa.....at least i am not digging myself out of the snow in nj.....i am feeling good these days.....and that's a wow......i am so glad that i left "that house" it was truly a noose around my neck......i could still be there living rent free, but my mind was not free, and i would rather pay for peace of mind....it is a much better investment......and i have to believe that the money will come. a job will come, i can create a job.....the goal i have for today is to put all the clothes away that i moved yesterday and get rid of everything that doesn't fit......did i tell all my f.u.c.k's that i lost 35 pounds since the last time any of your saw me......once again i will say thank god for saftey pins.....i am beginning to like it here more and more...the problem in the beginning for me was i left cuz i couldn't take the toxic people around me......and in true addict style the first person who told me they were going to be my friend and have my back, and wanted to know why just a handshake wasn't good enough for most people anymore.....let me tell you why, cuz you shook my hand and stabbed me in the back with the other, and dear people like you i don;t need in my life and i don't care that, that is how you treat everyone.....YOU WON'T TREAT ME LIKE THAT......I WILL NOT ALLOW IT....i am not a little girl, i am not like the girls around here, that think your god.........I AM A WOMAN, AND AGE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT ......my 19 year old daughter is more of a women then some women i have meet since i am up here.....i guess the thing is that they all feel they need a man......no badly how they get treated.......

and one of the reasons i can't allow it is that i have been trying to make peace with myself and why i always find toxic people, one is i am toxic....and i am working on it......my father was a wonderful man, i have 4 brothers who are wonderful men , fathers and husbands.....and i always wondered why oh why can't i find a man like them......cuz i keep finding my mother.....i love my mother with all my heart, but she could be the greatest person in the world or your worst nightmare...and someone told me that unless i work through my issues with my mother, i will contiune to find men just like her......and one of the things that i realized is i am so much like her.....we have the same name, the same sun sign, we were both in the year of the rooster.....we are both addicts, we are both bipolar.....and i hate that i got all my dis-eases from her......they are heritary.....she didn't mean it......but i hated her for it.......i want neither one of these dis-eases, yet i am stuck with both of them......the difference is i can do something about them today.....i will never be cured, but i can learn to live with them one day at a time......i have no more time to fool myself about who and what i am....so instead of dying a little bit more everyday, i decided to live......i love life and want to live my life my way to the fullest......and just to let you all know if you don't have god, get one...........

monday,monday, monday

the fuck you plant

first let me say i will never ever stop saying the word fuck....i know it is not nice in polite society, but it is a world that i have come to love and by no means when i use does it have any sexual connotation,,,,,i think it is one of the most versatile words the english language has.....i wrote a book about it.....so when i say fuck i was going to say don't get offended, but who am i to tell you want to feel and think...you are all free to have your own thoughts.....
     a wise man once told me you add just as much suffering to the world when you take offence ,or when you give it, maybe even more.

     now more about me, cuz the reality of it is , is that it is all about me, i am a little shaky right now, i want to get back to joisy to get my cats, i am not a cat lady but i do miss them and i need to get some clothes and stuff.  i figured it out now that  i won't be able to move everything out until feburuary 20th.  the superbowl is in the way and i have a doctor's appointment that is not going to allow me to do it any sooner.....the thing that i miss the most is my studio......and not being able to play and create the way i want.  i have been making scarves, that i think i will sell on etsy....i did list a few things on there and i have a lot more to list......i am even thinking about opening up a ebay store again, i used to have one, but i closed it, cuz the people were just a tad insane,and i can't afford insanity in my life now......i have been through so many changes in 3 years, and i need to rest and recover, yes for those of you who can understand, i went back into recovery......i gave up 18 years for nothing, but more heartache....and i want to do things that i have always wanted to do.....and some of them i have begun and some i am still working on.......AND I AM GOING TO SAY THIS I AM NOT GOING TO BE AFRAID TO ASK ANYONE FOR HELP ANYMORE,IF I NEED ADVICE, I AM GOING TO ASK, IF I NEED HELP WITH SOMETHING I AM GOING TO ASK, AND I AN GOING TO NETWORK MY ASS OFF, BUT IN MY PERSONAL AND BUSINESS LIFE......I HAVE TO REMEMBER I LIVE IN AMERICA AND WE DO HAVE A FREE ENTERPRISE.......

and there is 2 people that i have to thank for saving my life again one knows it, the other one don't and i would like to thank them and i will i just can't yet, because some are sicker then others and i don't think that they could handle it so maybe when the time comes and i can do it with as little emotion as possible i will send them a lovely thank you note, a real one on real paper, and i just might make it ....no i will how can an artist buy a hallmark card when i can make my own......i now know the reason i winded up here, i needed to get sober again.......and not be a dry drunk this time. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT I NEVER LEFT GOD AND HE NEVER LEFT ME......I MIGHT 2 GOOD GUYS FRIENDS.....AND I AM FINALLY MEETING WOMEN UP HERE THAT I CAN ACTUALLY RELATE TO......AND BELONGING TO ANY GROUP IS A GOOD THING.....YOU NEVER KNOW, WHO HAS A JOB FOR YOU, IT IS A GOOD PLACE TO NETWORK AND GET WELL ...PART OF RECOVERY IS HELPING OTHERS AND REACHING OUT YOUR OWN HAND......AS IN EVERYTHING IN LIFE, YOU GET WHAT YOU PUT OUT.....i truly believe what goes around comes around....and i have been on both ends.......and i just have to leave today with this  "JOSEPHINE BE CAREFUL OF SMALL MEN WITH BIG IDEAS"  thank you U2, in so many ways you have keep me on the spiritual track......i wish all of you the most wonderful day and stop complaining about the cold,,,,,,cuz in a few months you'll be complaining about the heat.....

and just one more not all the photo's that are here unless otherwise noted are mine and copyrighted, please don't use without permission......all that were asked were granted as long as i get credit.......be well and healthy

it's a new day



there are hearts all around us...

today is like a new day for me, a new beginning...no more hiding the truth about me or any body else..

 i was what you call a dry drunk for 18 years, pretty noble right, and then i decided that i needed to have some fun and went out on what they call a run, it was that bad, i didn;t smoke crack or anything just the old favorites pot and booze.....pot is not a bad thing , but when you are smoking 24/7 non stop, well to say the lest life gets fruzzy...........and who wants to be that.....i did not realize until now how much harm that shit can do to one's brain.......and trust me it does not make you more creative.....the best art i made i made when i was sober, because what came out of me was real, not clouded, it was truly able to flow from the soul.....and not the drug......i feel like it is my birthday, i can't tell you how happy i woke up this morning, and you know what i got off my chest............GUILT............cuz not only was i using but i felt guilty and bad about it, cuz i know it was not the right thing for me to be doing...............so god as always since i was 8 and we fought the devil that tried to claim me, and won, we will win again, i know i have a strange relationship to with you, but it is a great one and the one that has lasted the longest.....and god when you can't be with me send the angels....i feel so very mighty right now......

ADDICTION

THIS IS THE TOPIC THAT NO ONE EVER WANTS TO TALK ABOUT, AND IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHY I AM YELLING I AM NOT I AM SCREAMING OUT FOR HELP..I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE HERE AGAIN BUT I AM, AND IT IS WHAT IS BRINGING ME DOWN AND IT IS WHAT BROUGHT ME TO THE PLACE I AM NOW.....I WAS SOBER FOR OVER 18 YEARS, RAISED AND THEN I STARTED TO SMOKE POT AGAIN,NOT JUST A LITTLE PUFF, BUT 24/7 ONLY AS A GOOD COULD.....THEN I STARTED TO GO OUT AGAIN AND AT FIRST I WAS REALLY GOOD I KEPT MYSELF AWAY FROM THE DRINK...LIKE THEY SAY WHEN YOU HANG OUT WITH DOGS YOU WAKE UP FLEAS....FIRST IT WAS JUST A LITTLE WINE THEN IT WAS A LITTLE BEER, TO THE PROGRESSION STARTS AND YOU START CARING AROUND FLASKS OF VODKA. AND OH NO, DON'T THINK OF EVEN HAVING SURGURY CUZ THEN YOU GET ALL FUCKED UP ON THE PAIN PILLS.....AND THEN YOU HAVE BIPOLAR ONTOP OF THAT AND THEY GAVE YOU ALL KINDS OF PILLS..BUT IN DEFENSE OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION I DO HAVE TO SAY I CAN FEEL AND TELL THE DIFFERENCE WHEN I AM ON MY MEDICATION AND WHEN I AM NOT. I NEVER WANTED TO BELIEVE IT, I NEVER WANTED EITHER ONE OF THESE DISEASES, BUT I GOT THEM BOTH.
AND RIGHT NOW THEY BOTH ARE KILLING ME, THE OTHER THING I NEVER WANTED TO BELIEVE, HOW DO THEY SAY IT A DRY DRUNK....MY ILLNESS HAS COST ME DEARLY, I LOST MY HOUSE, BECAUSE THE ADDICT IN ME WANTS MORE AND MORE.......I MORTGAGED MY HOUSE TO THE HILT...BOUGHT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT AND THAT WAS WHEN I WAS USING, BUT THE ADDICT NEVER LEFT....I LOST THE 2 MOST PRECIOUS PEOPLE IN MY LIFE MY 2 BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS.....WHEN ONE WENT TO COLLEGE, AND THE OTHER WENT TO LIVE WITH ANOTHER FAMILY MEMBER....THEY ARE THE ONE GOOD THING THAT I HAVE DONE WELL DESPITE EVERYTHING THEY TURNED OUT ALL RIGHT...I AM AMAZED THAT I RAISED SUCH BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN, IT'S LIKE HOW CAN THESE BE MY KIDS, THEY ARE SO WONDERFUL AND GOOD AND WE ARE ON GOOD TERMS, BUT I HOPE SOME DAY THAT WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN AS A FAMILY.....I MISS AND LOVE YOU....

SO WHERE AM I NOW, WELL AFTER 2'5 YEARS OF BEING WAITING TO BE THROWN OUT OF MY HOME, I JUST HAD IT ONE DAY AND WENT TO STAY WITH MY BROTHER, I FOUND A MARKET TO SELL STUFF IN.....AND IN TRUE ADDICT SPIRIT MOVED HERE WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT, I TOOK THE FIRST CRAPPY OVERPRICED PLACE TO LIVE......I HAVE NO MONEY, LIMITED INCOME, MY STUFF IS STILL IN 4 DIFFERENT PLACES.....AND ALL I DID WAS BRING MY SHIT TO ANOTHER STATE....THAT'S WHAT I DID. AND I HATE IT HERE. THE GOOD NEWS IS I ONLY HAVE A 6 MONTH LEASE ON THIS HOUSE. I ALREADY PAID ONE MONTH AND HE HAS A MONTH SECURITY AND THE LAST MONTH'S RENT AND PRAY TO GOD TO SEE ME THROUGH, I AM GOING BACK TO THE ROOMS I WAS 12 STEPPED.....AND GOD I NEED TO BE. AND FLOYD THE CRAZY I KNOW I SHOULD BE ALL PISSED AT YOU, BUT I AM NOT LIKE THAT GUY JOEY WHO 25 YEARS AGO, TOLD ME I WAS AN ALCHOLIC...YOU JUST MIGHT HAVE SAVED MY LIFE FOR THE SECOND TIME, SO FOR THAT I THANK YOU..YOU KNOW I AM ONE OF THOSE SO IN YOUR HEAD PEOPLE, AND I KEEP SAYING TO MYSELF WHY I AM HERE.....I NOW KNOW WHY......I AM HERE TO GET SOBER AGAIN......OR AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT I AM TELLING MYSELF......BEAUSE I HAVE TO BE ALRIGHT FOR ME I AM A HAPPY FUN PERSON, AND THE DRUGS ARE MAKING ME NOT FUN ANYMORE, AND I JUST ACCEPTED THAT TODAY.....ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU CRAZY MAN.....

de fucking boxes

so this one looks neat......not in my head

i have a big confession to make, listen up, alert the media, big fucking breaking news......although i have never been without a roof over my head like forever.....i have been living out of nightmare boxes for unfucking years.....and i have about had it up to here and it ya know me.....it's not that far.......
everything is ready to go, i am just one of the financial challeneged and all in due time...i will get all my stuff out of nj......for sure.....i just can't take the boxes everywhere and my peps and f.u.c.k's i am packed ready to go......and i need my bed badly REALLY...........and my curio cabinets.....and the 3 closets of black clothes and shoes.......i don't care what the fuck the people up here dress like....i will dress like me......and god if you show a little tit, they think their in a strip  club......i have to get a tour bus started here and take the natives to some of my more fun filled night spots......cuz.......well it is the country, and in no fucking way whatsover is scranton the big city, more like a fun sized chocolate bar, never enough and i want more........
i know it was about all the boxes and my stuff being in nj, while i am currently in some ways just feel like hiding out for a while.....and when i can i will be back in the closer way to the lower east side that i can get........live amoung real new yorkers...but first please let me know if there are still anymore native new yorkers left, i know the indians we bought if from are long gone.......anyway.....i have to imagine all my stuff and studio here in olyphant pa.......keeping it real as only i could.....................